God Created Man in His Image, Women in His Lust, and…

And microbes in his finest moment. This post may be more for nerds than the rest of you but try to keep up.

God, that’s the big G, created us in his image. I’d post a Bible verse, but I just don’t care more than to tell you that it is in there. In all that is his glory and perfection, so amazing is the image of God that man, made even just in a portion of what he is, must be the most perfect thing of all creation. It makes sense if I believe the Bible. But, after God grew weary of staring at penises that weren’t quite as perfect as his, he grabbed a rib (I want my Chili’s…) and added some miracle (get it?) grow — and we had women. And it was good. Very good. Amazingly good. Curvy and sexy good. So good, yet a little less in God’s image. In fact, the rest of life, God’s image would spend all his resources trying to mate with God’s lesser image, while God’s lesser image would be ignoring God’s image. Got it? Good. Both of these would ignore the far more evolved image that gave them food poisoning last week.

Are we really at the top? Sure. We invented blogging. And all the technology for 2000 years that led up to this great use of my time. Surely, only perfection made by God could do such a thing. But what is perfection? Well, if you come from the Bible, there is no question. God’s image is perfection, and we’re made in it. If you come from logic, we’re the most complex and thus, must be the most evolved. But is complexity good? Is it better to stuff as many books in a library as possible and try to read them all, or is it best to have only the best of reference books. Well defined simplicity is far more successful then complexity. As humans, we are less human than microbe. One trillion human cells, 10 trillion microbial cells (and 70% water…until that hangover.) Take a single microbe out of the human, and it will be millions of cells in a day. Take a trillion human cells out of the microbes, and they will be dead in a day. I wonder how many microbes help make up a perfect God?

Our body is a waste. A big waste. Busy making hundreds of thousands of enzymes just in case we digest beef, or chicken, or starch, or sucrose, or whatever. Cells tend to work on a balance where chemicals are produced to fight each other and variations in concentrations begin any needed changes. The system is a mess from the view of resources. Our brain uses an unproportionately large amount of nutrients and oxygen compared to the rest of our body. We think things such as sight are amazing, and those such as speech are a specialty of humans. Self-recognition is what makes us who we are. But do these really matter? They seem great, but they really mean nothing as an evolutionary advantage.

Thousands of bacterial cells come together to form these complex structures within a biofilm.

Bacteria has it going on. I was once challenged to find as many differences between bacteria and human cells as possible. I came up with over 243 in one evening. The most important thing I noticed was that the differences were not in function, but how they did the function. We like to think of our cells as more advanced, but if we do it, they did it first. The most obvious thought is tissues. We have specialized cells that form into tissues, then organs, then us. We are multi-cellular. So is slime. Biofilms are very complex gloop which are common everywhere in nature. Within a biofilm, one or more species of bacteria work to the advantage of them all. We, as humans, build complex structures. Sorry, they did it first. Biofilms appear more like a city than slime, with high flying towers and streamers. Why the towers and streamers? It turns out bacteria mastered hydrodynamics and nutrient flow ecology. By shaping the towers correctly, nutrient distribution to the desired cells can be maximized as well as waste exchange. Streams actually bud off allowing the biofilm to stay in tact, but a subset of reproductive cells to fly off and start a new colony. Sorry, Wright brothers, they flew first. And do they talk to each other to do this, obviously. It is called quorum sensing, and is far more complex than speech.

“Ok,” you say, but what about sight? They don’t need it. But, when it does come in handy, once again, they did it first. Photo spots of chlamydomonas anyone? How about thought? Quorum sensing again — some do it with electricity just like nerves. What it boils down to is that the single cell one-tenth the size of one of your cells is so well organized in its minimalistic perfection that it is in fact able to do all the complex things we do, outcompete us, and reproduce better than us. Bacteria is so much better than man, that it is 90% of us. Without it we would be nothing…and it would not care. If God made us in his own image, surely it is this 90%. But in that case, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, with it’s flagella like noodley appendages, may be a better idol than Ol’ Gray Beard in the Clouds.



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16 Responses to God Created Man in His Image, Women in His Lust, and…

  1. annie says:

    I look at my baby boy and see god everyday!!!!! People with children….how could you not believe?

    • Anthony L. says:

      There is nothing miraculous about my children. They are beautiful and wonderful, but they are still a product of evolution and yes…sex.

      • annie says:

        i respect that…dont agree but but respect your belief….i just could never label my child as anything short of a miracle and a blessing from god..

    • Anthony L. as an AtheistConnect member with kids will probably weigh in but I can not see god in them. Biology and nature, not imagination, amaze me. Look around and educate yourself about science and you will see the true beauty around you. Many times people offer scenarios where we “would have to believe.” and every time we couldn’t imagine why. As a group of people we have diverse backgrounds. Army, medicine, global, local. We have the experience to say that nothing should ever make you believe in god if you view it after a further understanding of the world.

      • annie says:

        without him there would be no science……i guess my faith wont let my mind go there to disect everything…..i just try to keep it simple….i have the choice to believe or not believe and i guess thats just what my family…thank god…..instilled in me…..now my heart wont allow me to otherwise and im thankful for that

  2. Mostly I’m coming from satire. The fact of the matter is I do not believe in a creator of any kind. Many times the creator is imbued with the level of perfection and it is not reflected in the holy book. The Christian God for example is meant to be all knowing and all powerful. Yet we see him make mistake after mistake and change his mind.

    Do bacteria love and worship. Well perhaps we will have to take that on faith. The same faith that God exists leads me to believe that bacteria were made in his image to love and worship him. We mistakenly took the book to indicate us, but that was a poor translation.

    • bhopek says:

      haha touché on that last part. it’s a good point. not true, but a good point. 🙂

      one question: have you read the bible? cover to cover?

      • “I tried to but I skipped to the end and it ruined the whole thing for me.” -Carla from Scrubs

        I have read it, I’ll be honest I forgot most of it. But the same can be said about my high school history book. I read literature discussing it. I real other holy books, The Book of Mormon, The Qu’ran. Your question is one we get a lot. And the fact of the matter is their are those (not I) at AtheistConnect who abandoned faith because they read it. It is hard to work all the problems. People are quick to claim others are not true Christians, why do I point that out? Because no body alive today seems to stick to a true adherence to the Bible and live by it. Mostly because we would call them an asshole and shun them from society.

        • Igor says:

          I think we have a different denioitifn of maintenance and balance. I would like an actual balanced pond that does not require all these additives you mention. Continually adding bacteria or whatever does not? strike me as balanced since the pond owner is constantly having to mess with the pond and add all all the stuff you talk about.So, are there any pond designers who make actual natural ponds that don’t need all the additives?

        • Matei says:

          I had a rather hard time choosing just one type of physician I would want to work for. So many of them fascinate me, and with me not really going into any medical field other than support, I never gave this any thought in the past. After reading the list, I am more favorable of working for a neonatologist. It is difficult to think about how neonatologist physicians sometimes have the most difficult job in the world, but I can only imagine how amazing it would be to be a part of saving a baby’s life. I had a coworker once whose baby was born at 36 weeks, and her baby had a lot of heart and lung problems. There were concerns about whether or not they would ever fully develop once she had him, but after many months in the NICU, and many scares that happened during it, the doctors were able to save him and he is now a very healthy 5 year old. It is because of that I have a higher interest in the neonatologist field.I hate to say which type of physician I would care less to work for, and it is because I worry that many will take it the wrong way. When I was 16, I used to help my mom at an assisted living home as a caregiver. We would get to work at 7:00 A.M. every morning to prepare breakfast for four of the elderly men and women that we were caring for. We would then make sure that all bedding was changed, rooms were cleaned, meals were prepared, and appointments were handled. We worked 12 hour days, and they were always grueling. The owner of the home made sure that everyone had their medicine and made it to their doctor appointments on time. However, she was more worried about getting paid for her services than actually helping the elderly. She would yell at them if they did something wrong, and even call them terrible names. My mom reported her and we both quit our job, but it has always left a sting in my heart since then. It is because of my experience with that situation that I do not think I could ever work for a gerontologist. I know that the situations would be much different, but ever since my experience with caring for elderly individuals it is very hard for me to think about assisting a physician in geriatrics because I worry that someone else might treat the elderly in the same way the owner of the home did. I am a firm believer that the elderly deserve the ultimate care and comfort when going through any treatment and aging in general, but I do not think I could ever work in that environment again.


  3. bhopek says:


    first of all, I want to publicly acknowledge right now that you’re a heck of a lot smarter than me. haha! I mean I took biology and chemistry in high school (and LOVED it), buuut that’s as far as my science education got. so, thanks for going into such great detail about the incredible complexity of bacteria! it was a wonderful read in that sense.  

    if it’s ok, I just wanted to throw out a thought:

    your basic point (if i understood you correctly–please please please correct me if I’m wrong) is that if God made man in His image, why is bacteria so much more spectacular?

    i agree, bacteria are incredible and glorious in their complexity and usefulness and a whole slew of other reasons. 

    but do bacteria have the ability to love? do they have the ability to worship? that’s why (and how) man was created in God’s image. to love God and worship Him. 

    if I misunderstood your meaning behind your post, please correct me. I’d love to understand where you’re coming from!

    • Icha says:

      Hey there, we don’t use chemicals, we use oniargc treatments. Is your pond new? Sounds to me from your description it could be a cycling pond. Give me more information about your pond. How? many fish? How many gallons? What type of filtration, etc. PM your mailing address to me and I’ll send you some samples.

  4. Ely says:

    cool story, bro

  5. Anthony L. says:

    Good stuff there, Brian. I never equated microbes to the FSM, but if microbes are further evolved than man, it is safe to assume that microbes were created in God’s image. All praise him…and his noodly appendages.

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